Some few months ago, last fall, I became aware of the word "authenticity".  Not that I'd never heard it before, but I'd never applied it to anything other than the paper certificates included with collectors items.  I'd certainly never applied it to my life.

I've thought I was honest, thought I was genuine, and thought I was true, but never really thought of myself as authentic.  It's a good thing too, because it would have been a lie.

I am one of the, or WAS one of the, most in-authentic people you'd never know.  I've spent a lifetime (more than 30 years but less than 40) of being the traditional child/adult child of an alcoholic parent (signs and symptoms)... who himself was, of course, a child of an alcoholic parent and married yet another one... leaving the odds rather stacked against me.

If you read through the description of ACOA's you won't think instantly of me (unless you are my husband!) but that is because what you DO see is the result of all of that: a hard working, extremely caring, multi-multitasker, 199% giver... and someone who is always trying to do a little better.  It doesn't look so bad when put into those words, but those words don't show the exhaustive effort, the drained emotions, the tangle of self delusion.  I saved all that stuff for my husband and kids - lucky family.

Anyway, the whole ACOA thing is brand new to my thoughts, but being authentic has become at the forefront of my whole mind, heart, and spirit these days.  When I first became aware of authenticity, it made me really unhappy because it meant confronting all the things I'd been avoiding.  Things like "feelings" and "emotions".  Things like "anger", "desire", "self satisfaction".  When you confront those big boys, there are serious consequences.

So I've been taking those consequences and hitting them over the head with my Warrior Angel Friends.  One of my Warrior Angel Friends, Marty, wrote a post about authenticity on his blog: click here.  That is some scary stuff.  Especially if you read through his post and follow the link to this post: (very scary!). 

Dude.  I can't even share my passwords with my husband!  I gots issues for sure.

But it all sort of comes down to the the mere fact of authenticity.  How authentic are you if your husband doesn't know your laptop password?  How authentic are you if your pastor doesn't know your marraige is failing?  How authentic can you possibly be if you can't allow a good friend to pick up your phone and scroll through your messages just for fun?

My goal is authenticity.  Maybe you can tell by the blog url, but I'm not hiding anymore.  There isn't anywhere to hide anyway -

PS 139   Oh Lord, you have searched me and known me.  You know when I sit down and when I rise up, you understand my thoughts from afar.  You scrutinize my path and my lying down, and are intimately aquainted with all my ways (wow! "intimately aquainted"). Even before there is a word on my tongue, behold Oh Lord, you know it all.