You can change this. 
You can dig down deep and find the boy that met the girl on the steps of the courthouse. 
You can find the husband who held his wife in his arms while she birthed their first child. 
You can find the father who cried in the middle of the kitchen and talked about sharing parenting equally. 
You can find the father that knows his children need both parents. 
Dig deeper, because there are layers of anger and pride and fear that are thick and cemented with grief and loss. 
Dig, and find the father who was thankful when this mom worked tirelessly to create an education plan for the child who needed it.  That mother is the same mom who is here right now, contemplating holidays without her children, going weeks without giving them the love she needs to give, and the love they need to recieve. 
That mother is the same as the one who birthed her babies without medication and intervention because it was safer. 
That mother is the same one who cooked every single thing from scratch so her child wouldn't have to take artificial medications.  That mother, This mother, Me, is the same one who taught her daughters to trust their father with their secrets, who forced a shy dad to coach T-ball for his son, who couldn't imagine living without her children, and would never do anything to cause them harm or fear. 
That mother is the me, those children are ours, and you can change what is right now - if you want to.  It's about what you want to do, what you actually have the power and control to do.  The truth is right there in that.  For them, not for me or you or us but for them - for the boy who wrote his mom a song and played it for her on his guitar.  For the girl who can't stop touching her mommy when they are together.  For the children who are what they are because of their mother.

The black and white papers? They are what I'm minimally entitled to, not what I'm restricted to - YOU can change it.